Best of 2013 Unalaska Police Blotter
Assistance Rendered - Drunk reported that his brother stole his half-gallon of booze while he was being treated at the clinic. Officers found no half-gallon bottles, full or otherwise, in the house and advised the drunk to look for his liquor in the morning.
Assistance Rendered - Officers responded to a request first for help with a passenger who had not paid his taxi fare, and then to a report that said passenger had fallen into the water while climbing onto his boat. The passenger was out of the water and in his galley by the time officers arrived, and declined any medical care. He then paid for the taxi ride.
Drunk Disturbance - Drunken brother reported his equally intoxicated sibling was being loud while they were watching television. An officer told both of the legal adults to be quiet.
Noise Disturbance - Third party call regarding noise from a bunkhouse room. An officer found two drunken men, one of whom was only partially dressed, having a heated argument in a room lit only by a black light. The shirtless man complained of having been beaten with a pillow by his friend, but reported no injuries as result of said assault. The officer advised the men they could be charged with a crime if the loud noise continued unabated.
Suspicious Person/Activity - A drunken man phoned police and said he was naked, cold, and exposing himself to passing vehicles and in need of assistance. He was unable to name or describe his location. Officers searched the common and not so common haunts of naked drunks but did not find the man in question.
Ambulance Request - EMS personnel provided care and transport for a man who had been hit in the chest with a monkeyfist and had then fallen and hit his head.
PC-Mental - A man who repeatedly asked officers to kill him and offered to sign a paper authorizing his own execution was taken into protective custody.
Drunk Disturbance — Officers intervened in a disturbance between two "brothers" who had been exchanging some "brotherly love" in the guise of a pugilistic engagement. As the two brothers were not in fact actual brothers and neither wished to pursue charges, both were placed into separate taxis and sent on their way.
Suspicious Person/Activity — Caller reported that an individual had threatened to kill him. Officers contacted the complainant who could not articulate how he came about the belief that he was going to be killed nor could he state why he thought the other individual wanted to kill him. The suspect had no clue what the officers or the complainant were talking about. It is believed that sleep deprivation played a role in this incident.
Assistance Rendered — Officers responded to a residence to assist a very intoxicated individual in removing an unknown and unwanted guest. The complainant pointed to an individual on the floor, stating, "I don't know that dude and he has to go." The "dude" was a drunken female whom the complainant has known for most of his life. The complainant refused to believe that the "dude" was not a "dude." Officers were eventually able to convince him of the identity of the "Dudette."
DUI — Officers contacted an individual who had come to Public Safety to bail out a recent arrestee. She was contacted because she had alcohol on her breath and stated she had driven up to the Department. It turns out she didn't drive.
Criminal Mischief — Two drunken crewmen who had already been asked to leave the Harbor View Bar due to their inimical behavior returned to their vessel and engaged in repeated displays of machismo, strewing one another's belongings about a stateroom, punching one another, breaking sunglasses and agreeing to meet on the dock for a duel to settle their differences. Neither man wished to pursue charges against the other. The captain of the vessel agreed to deal with his two model employees in the morning, but was perturbed that neither of them would be spending the night in jail.
Domestic Disturbance — Officers responded to a residence wherein two siblings were engaged in a drunken argument. Officers departed the scene after telling the two men to get along, but returned after one brother claimed the other stole his bottle of liquor. Officers located the allegedly stolen bottle of liquor on the floor next to the victim.
Animal — Caller reported that someone was feeding the eagles causing a hazard as one of the eagles had fl own into her truck. Officers investigated and discovered that the eagles were not being fed but were congregating, as eagles are known to do.
Assault — Officers investigated a report of an assault that occurred between two besotted individuals. The two had a disagreement concerning one of the sots consuming the alcohol of the other sot. Sot one, the owner of the alcohol, chased sot two, the consumer of the alcohol, down the hallway of the bunkhouse. None involved wished to pursue charges.
Animal — Caller reported a dead cat in the roadway. An officer responded and found no dead feline, only a motley collection of Bald Eagles.
Assault - Officers responded to a processing plant regarding an alleged assault, and discovered that one man had sprayed another in the face with water, one by accident and then again on purpose when the drenched victim threatened him. The soggy scapegoat decided that an apology in lieu of assault charges would suffice.
Assault - Officer responded to a report that a man had been threatened at the Harbor View Bar and found that an intoxicated and now contrite patron had phoned police with this patently false allegation after he was removed from the bar by a bouncer. While the officer talked to the first drunk, his equally inebriated compatriot began praying at the officer's feet, prompting the officer to advise the devout drunk not to enter any licensed establishments this night.
Traffic Crime - Officers received an anonymous complaint of a vehicle speeding. Officers were able to locate the vehicle and driver in question. The driver was apologetic and said he was in a rush home to start "hot tubbing". The driver was advised not to speed in the future.
Suspicious Person/Activity — Officers responded to faint cries for help at the CEM dock. Upon arrival Officers observed an individual in the water, under the dock, sitting on a float. Officers were able to extricate the subject who was later determined to be inebriated. The subject said he wanted to go for a swim, jumped in off the dock and somehow ended up under the dock. Ambulance responded and subject signed a refusal form.
Theft - An extremely intoxicated woman told police that her bodyguard had stolen $380, then $480, from her pocket tonight. The woman, who at one point passed out in the bunkhouse hallway as the officer was investigating, was extremely unhappy about her money not being found on her bodyguard or any of the other people with whom she had been partying this night and repeatedly attempted to instruct the officer on how best to perform his duties. The allegedly missing money was not located.
Ambulance Request - EMS personnel provided care and transport for one inebriated sibling after he complained of pain first on his left side then on his right side.
Welfare Check - Drunken brother reported his equally intoxicated sibling had been puking for the last hour. Officers responded and found two drunks, one of whom professed to be fine and used his two middle fingers to express just how fine he really was.
Drunk Disturbance - Officers contacted a vomit-spattered man who was measuring the sidewalk upside down. After expressing his embarrassment and telling officers where he wished to go, he staggered to a taxi and left the area without incident.
Suspicious Person/Activity - Father reported having received a phone call stating that his son had been arrested and to wire $1300 to a man in the Dominican Republic to provide bail and legal representation for his son. The father had already determined that his son was not under arrest and was not in need of legal representation. Attempts to contact the wireless recipient resulted in an officer being hung up on numerous times.
Drunk Disturbance - Officers responded to a melee, involving 6-7 inebriated men and women, at the airport. Several participants were still on scene and claimed they were protecting one of their own from a fight caused by another man no longer present. Officers attempted to locate those who had fled but were unable to do so. No charges were filed.
Harassment - Library staff reported receiving a garbled, aggressive voice mail and asked that officers investigate. An officer, after listening to the message and seeing from where it originated, opined that the caller one, was intoxicated; and two, had dialed a wrong number.
Assault - Two sisters got into a fight over one sibling's decision to quit her job and return to the Philippine Islands to be with the other sister's ex-husband. One sister claimed that the other one had pulled her hair, but witnesses reported only that the two were swinging ineffectually at one another. No charges were filed.